Cyberfrog Communication Problems

The Pastor and the Cat

2006-12-04T18:37:00.000+08:00

A minister of a well known church in Sweden was late one morning for the first service in his church. He was a holy man and full of joy. But this morning he had to break the law since he was late, so he drove well over the speed limit on the narrow gravel road from his house to the church. Half way there he so a cat crossing the road and he panic braked but he could still hear the awful sound of the cat hitting the car. He was able to stop his car and started to walk back towards were he have hit the poor cat.

He was looking everywhere and after 10 minutes he saw the poor cat sitting in a ditch next to the road. He taught poor cat he must be suffering, so he went back to his car and got the tire iron from the trunk. He prayed out loud to God the whole way back asking God to not let the cat suffer. He reaches the place where the cat is sitting looking at him with painful and sweet eyes. He lifts his hand with the tire iron and closes his eyes and swings against the cat, the cat dies instantly without suffering.

He walks slowly back to his car and his spirit is low and his heart is hurting for the whole incident. He drives slowly back to the church; he goes up in the pulpit and delivers his message about healing and forgiveness.

After the service his assistant pastor approach him, Pastor did you hit a cat on the way to the church this morning? He looks surprised and asks, how did you know that? Did you have a vision or did God tell you?

No says the assistant pastor, I was out on the parking and saw that there was a cat stocked in the front radiator of your car.

There must be a very unhappy cat in heaven….

My New Car

2006-12-03T16:35:00.000+08:00

I had just bought a brand new Nissan Patrol and was a very happy Viking since it had air con that really helped me survive all the long hours in the traffic in Manila. The traffic here is actually more like parking since the cars stand still more than they move but that’s another story.

One day when I was driving (parking) my stereo just went stone dead.

Now I had to sit for hours listening to other car engines instead of sweet music.

I get hotheaded and angry at everything because of this, so I decided to bring the car to the place where I bought it so they could fix it for me.

To my surprise they just told me that it was not covered by the warranty. This really blows my top. I did not even want to stay and argue with them I just left.

On the way back to the office I stopped and bought a new car stereo. When I came back to the office I called my maintenance guy and told him to install it for me, he answered “no problem Sir” why is it when I hear those words I start to get nervous? Anyway I went up to my office and did my work and when it was 5PM I went down to my car and to my surprise the stereo was working perfect.

I was driving for a month and it was heaven to have my own music in the car. When things are too good to be true it is often the beginning of a disaster.

The disaster started when I drown in to a gasoline station to fill up the tank. When the serviceman filled up the tank I decided to check the water myself. I open the hood of the car and to my horror I saw a big nail in my battery, what the heck is this? The big rusty nail had an electric cable going from it towards the windshield; I followed it and saw that it was going to the car stereo. Now I was really mad since this was the most unprofessional job I ever seen.

I drove back to the office and called my maintenance guy. I tried to be cool and said Edgar what is this nail doing in my battery? He look at me and said let me explain Sir. He then pointed to the battery and said “Sir the car stereo is 6 volt and the battery is 12 volt, I said YES, then he counted the pools on the battery, 2-4-6 and on the 6^th I nailed it so you would have no problems.

I was quite for awhile since I needed oxygen to cool myself down. Then I said to Edgar the stereo is working fine, but the battery is damage and leaking acid. Edgar looked at me and said “no problem Sir I have a spare battery in the garage for you”

I am still recovering and learning the lessons of life

The Ladder,Aircon and Ref.....

2006-12-03T15:31:00.000+08:00

Here is some communication stories from my friend Buddy keep up sending me your stories.

One of my favorite stories in Haiti was when I had a worker building a block wall. When he got to the 9th or 10th block in height, I told him to dig holes in the ground to secure the ladder so he would not fall when building the wall. Six hours later I came back and to my utter amazement, there was a ten foot hole in the ground.........with a ladder in it. I immediately proceeded to the bar!

Or my other all time favorite....The front desk woke me up at 3 AM to tell me that someone broke into their room and stole their air conditioner! Incredulous, I gathered my wits and went to meet the irate guest who was angry beyond belief as his terrified wife thought they might be killed in their hotel room.

Suspecting neither foul play or malice, I inquired with the night engineeer if anyone had gone into room 212 and remomved an airconditioner. "Oui Boss" was the reply!

And why the hell did you enter a guests room in the middle of the night and do that I screamed?

The reply....because the guest in room 155 complained HIS airconditioner wasn't working!

My other favorite was when I instructed the maintenance staff to remove a huge steel regrigerator from the Kitchen for repair - I told them 5 times not to take it out the dining room but through the back kitchen entrance. Sure enough - 4 hours later..there was the 400 pound refrigerator............on the bottom of the pool!

Fried Lice????

2006-12-02T12:44:00.000+08:00

On a trip to Bangkok for some year ago I quickly learned that the Thai people had a hard time to pronounce the letter R it always came out as L. This could be very confusing for a Viking like me.

When I entered the hotel as was greeted with a big smile and Velly Wellcome soel. That made me smile a bit.
Everybody was “welly flendly” to me in Bangkok I must say. I just had to figure out what they said all the time witch made the days a little longer and more exciting.

One evening I decided to get a bite to eat at Bangkok’s, then the largest outdoor restaurant. I took a taxi and was very excited to see and have a feel of authentic Thai food.
When I arrived I was amazed to see all the waitresses and waiters on Rollerblades speeding like demons between the tables occasionally running over a slower guest.

It was now time to check the menu. There were things that you only could find in the Bible, like fried snake head, whole fried pigeon and many more sweet animals to show of on your plate. As a Swede I decided to go for vegetable soup and at least believe I have saved a pigeon to have a favor with the animal God.

I really wanted to have some bread to my soup and here all hell broke loose in communication with the waitress.

I asked do you have bread; she looked like she came from space and just said no bleed. I asked for a pen and paper and started to draw the best I could a piece of bread and showed with my body language how to cut the bread. She just looked at me again and said very short just no bleed. I gave up and asked, what could you offer instead then?

She thought for some time and said with a smile “only flied lice soel” This was the straw for me, I did not want to eat the big animals on the menu and now she wanted me to eat the microscopically ones, maybe they could have fried all the mosquitoes that feed on my legs during my stay there instead then I could have got even with those bloodsuckers.

Until today I praise Burger King and all their meat that is hidden between bread and salad so I don’t have to stare the animals in their eyes when I put them between my lips and chew them.

Why feed a dog?

2006-11-18T17:41:00.001+08:00

I just got a real big guard dog for my house in the subdivision since I heard that there had been many of my neighbors that had been robbed lately. I did not want a local dog since them often ends up on a plate down here as a good meal believe it or not.

I decided to buy a Doberman killer machine. When I got it a Sunday morning it was a party ay my home everybody loved the dog. It fast became the favorite pet in the house. I grow very close to my dog and treated him like a king. Night time he was guarding our house and he did a real good job, nobody could come near the house without him barking and telling us all that somebody was to close.

After three years living with us it was time for me to go back to my home country for a short visit of 14 days. I was a little nervous to leave my dog with the maid but was thinking that with a right communication she would be able to handle the dog.

I had a meeting with her the day before I left and gave her a written instruction how to take care of my dog. In the letter it said,

Feed the dog twice a day
Go out for a walk with him daily for at least 1 hour
See that he always will have fresh water
On Sundays take a longer walk with him
Treat him like a person

I thought this was clear and easy to understand.

I left for Sweden and I called twice to here that all was ok and she always answered me no problem Sir your dog is ok.

When I arrived back and was riding a taxi from the airport I couldn’t wait to see my dog. The taxi drove up to our house and I was running in to meet my favorite pet of all times. To my horror I saw that he was just lying down and did not even move, at a closer look I saw that he was looking like he came from a prison camp. He WAS skin and bones. He had rashes all over his body and was in real bad shape. I rushed back to the taxi and asked him to drive us to a veterinarian ASAP, at the veterinarian the saw directly that he had allergies and was malnourished. They put him on dextrose and it took a couple of days and hundreds of dollars to get him back in shape again.

I had a long talk to the maid and asked her straight out WHAT THE HECK happened, did you feed him? Yes Sir, did you follow my note? Yes sir. Then I changed my strategy and asked, what did you feed him? She answered sardines Sir. I got so upset and shouted DOGS eat meat CATS eat fish….do you understand. She looked at me with her big brown eyes and said Yes Sir. I was not satisfied so I said again do you understand, and got the same answer.

Three weeks later I had invited 20 of my closest friends over for a grill party at my house and since I have been in the food business and working as a food and beverages manager in Sweden I had planned ahead and had bought 5 kilos of the finest meat that I could find down here. I had made mashed potatoes salad and filled up the cooler with beverages and was now ready to get the meat out of the freezer so I could start to barbecue it since the guest would arrive in an hour. When I opened the freezer the meat was gone, I panicked and called the maid. I asked her have you seen the meat I bought. She looked at me scared and said DOGS eat meat CATS eat fish Sir.

Until today I can still see my dog licking his mouth.

The Door

2006-11-11T16:26:00.000+08:00

In 1989 I was on my way down the stairs from my office on the third floor, when I arrived to the ground level were we had our food storage I saw that the door was open. It was a door that I had imported from Sweden a real heavy door with a barn key, this so nobody should be able to brake in or things could be taken out without my knowledge. I had given the barn key to our store manager let’s call him Albert.

I was now standing right in front of the storeroom and saw three rats big as cats running out from the store room, honestly I am big but I jump higher than any Asian cat and sounded like a wounded mouse. After I cooled down I called the attention of Albert and asked him why in the heck he allowed the store room door to be opened. I was so angry maybe because I lost my status as a Viking when I jumped and screamed in front of all the workers.

I now told Albert that I did not want that door to be opened anymore and he promised me by saying in a very nice way “promise Sir” I went on to my daily tasks and did not think about it anymore.

The next day to my horror I saw that the door was opened again, I lost my Swedish calm and shouted to little Albert “I don’t ever want to see this door open again, Do you understand, next time I will see it opened again I will fire you, do you understand?” He looked down on the floor and answered with a low voice “yes sir” Now I had made my point and I was sure it would work out to everybody’s best. I thought that my communication with Albert was crystal clear so I was back to my Swedish calm spirit again.

The next morning it was inventory day and I called Albert to my office and said that we together should go down to the store room and make an inventory. He looked at me with his big brown eyes and with a little smile on his face. We walked down together and I asked nicely for the barn key and he politely gave it to me. I put in the big key in the keyhole and tried to open the door but somehow it was jammed. I tried to pull harder and now my Swedish Viking cool started to fade away once again. Albert just stood quietly behind me and said nothing. After a couple of minutes trying to open the door I gave up and turned to Albert and said, what the heck is going on? He looked at me and with a big smile and said with a calm voice I nailed it sir. He had nailed it with 24 nails in the belief that he would not be fired. Have you ever seen a boiling Viking with the horns on the helmet turning towards the matador?

I am still learning and the moral of the story is that I was wrong and he was right BUT it Hurts……..

Is Mr. Brager home

2006-11-11T15:57:00.000+08:00

When I arrived to Asia 1986 it was a real culture shock for me. In my town in Sweden there are just a few cars and after 10PM in the evening the place is deserted and you can’t even see a movement. In contrast I find myself surrounded by 12 million people; I even believe that there are more cars here than inhabitants. Traffic here means parking btw. It is easy to get hemorrhoids here because of all sitting and waiting for the cars to move. But they have good hospitals and doctors for that.

One of my first communications in Asia was when I called my friend Brager, after 5 rings a sweat voice from his maid answered "hello". I polite asked if I could talk to Mr. Brager and she nicely answered me "one minute sir", I waited for a minute or two before she returned and said " sorry sir he says he is not here" I tried to keep myself from bursting out in laughter and replied "please tell him that I did not call' she answered politely again "yes sir' and hanged up.

I am still in tears........